Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Tuesday, 24 April 2018

I Got Gas...

I paid a $1.44/litre. The make the stuff in quantities suitable for world export just 200 miles north of here. They refine it in the same quantities 4 miles from my house.



Ladies, the game is just about over, here.
It's time to admit that some of you should be in the bloody kitchen,
because you have no friggin clue about how the real world works.


Totally unrelated to any of this: I overheard one of the young ladies at work, pleased as punch that she was able to sell her house. Her husband, and electrician - had gotten laid off and hasn't been able to find work and they couldn't afford the bills. They were happy about it!

The next time some millennial idiot starts complaining about living in the basement, or devastated job markets, it might be prudent for them to look at their voting habits.

Who's Gun Is That...???





I've seen some funky looking guns in my day - but that one 
is probly the funkiest in a long while...

10 Hit By The Diversity Truck In Tranna...



Get out your teddy bears, your candles, your crayons and poster boards and hankies everyone! It's time for thoughts and prayers again! It's time to celebrate cultural diversity!




I will criticize liberals then - you assholes voted for this shit, and now you're reaping the whirlwind. Hopefully all the victims are liberals and vibrants, is all I gotta say. And - being Tranna in Morontario ... that is probably a good bet.

Edit/update:

Via Kate at SDA. Deb is asking if the perp is a fig farming goat feltching moslem. The 4Chan guys promptly punked and trolled the media so now their idiocy is right out there in public. The sad fact is that if this is a typical case of the moslem violence brought about by a low IQ and an inability to function in a civilized society...the media will never admit it.

History lesson: All our moronic gun laws came about decades ago when Marc Lepine went into a university Wymin's Studies and shot up a butt load of creepy feminists. The liberals flipped when their sacred cows got shot, and they all gobbled in fright and blamed guns, toxic masculinity, and possibly global warming. Decades later we learned that Marc Lepine wasn't a white fwench male- he was the mystery meat by-product of a mother who was a French whore, and a father who was a moslem asshole. Of course, nothing in his ancestry could have anything to do with the mass murder, so the authorities and media didn't see fit to mention it. That's all I better say about it because I could get myself in trouble by saying more.

Monday, 23 April 2018

The Rumble Of Metal Gods ... Errrr....Goddesses


When I was a kid we used clothes pins and playing cards rattling in the spokes to make our bicycles sound like motorcycles.

Dunno what these guys are up too...




Nothing Out Of The Ordinary...




It's just our Swine Minister fagging out another fwenchman...

Vintage Gun Porn

What errant nonsense!!!



I've never been much into back up guns. Fact is that if we had licensed carry of firearms up here in Canukistan, I'd carry a cap n' ball percussion gun. There is no reason, to my mind, that nostalgia, practicality, and self defense can't go hand in hand. I'd pass on the brass knuckles too. Those are for filthy Irish thugs and beneath contempt for a discerning gun snob such as myself.

To Whom It May Concern

Welp.


Chuckle.

Sigh.


Whatever. Happy Birthday, kid, I guess.

Pop

Saturday, 21 April 2018

Crimes Against Humanity

JFC. I 'ave a snoot full a scotch, guv.  A'hm pished to the gills, an' Ah huvn't the patience fer this  kinda chit...




Jackey boyo - roll out the cannons! Stoke  em with grape, chains, and canister! ASM! Climb up into the rigging and keep  a sharp eye! Bring the culverns, demifalcons  and and demi-culverns to bear! Quartermain - keep that Cutlass loose in it's scabbard! We'll take these villains broadside!!! Something stupid this way comes! Jess! Sunny! The Supervisor and Aggie! Form up on me!  The foe awaits! For the Glory Of  The Crown!!!




GAH! I have to go to church tomorrow. I'd love to stay here and fight with the rest of you - but duty calls. Hope you had a great Saturday, and that Sunday is twice as good. Take care, y'all.

The Adventures Of Filthie And Mort

When I was a wee gaffer one of my favourite cartoons was the pink panther. I used to delight in the way the cat constantly tormented the short fat guy with the big nose. And of course, I loved the music that Henry Mancini donated to the cartoon for us kids. It's as cool and laid back today as it was 50 years ago.

Fast forward through those 50 years... and now I am the short fat guy with the big nose. And the hapless little white dawg closely resembles Mort The Schnort! If you have six minutes and nothing better to do with your life - come on in, pour yourself a drink, and enjoy the fire and the company of the pink cat- whilst I beat the living tar out of Mort!



V Is For Villainy

It's been an odd week around here at Castello Di La Filthie. I am coming to terms with a new job where I work with and for kids half my age - but they show levels of maturity and common sense that I haven't seen for ten fuggin years while I worked for my old company. If these kids are the kind of people they appear to be - this job should do - for awhile, at least. Employment is unstable and volatile in Alberta right now and, judging from the idiots we have running the nation and province, it's gonna stay that way for awhile. That's gubbimint though - there is a blurred line between stupidity and villainy when they are at work.

On the innernet, a perusal of The Usual Suspects evokes images of darkling shadows that portend more uncertainty and changes ahead. To me it feels like there are pawns being moved about a cosmic chess board and I can only see a few of the pieces in play. Turdiebeach over at The Fourtyfive notices that he doesn't fit into the scheme of things anymore. Over at the Z Blog, the host and sole proprietor asks the question that very few have the courage to ask - why are the women going nuts? A fella can get shot and pissed on just for asking questions like that in the wrong places these days. You can go and poop in the comment sections of those ones as I did - feel free to do so here too, if you're so inclined. In both cases, one has to consider these posts and ask, "Is it stupidity or villainy driving stuff like this? Or both?" Disengaged men. Lunatic women. I don't like where this is going, myself.

The women in my family have all gone off the deep end: my daughter is a militant queer social justice warrior. My mother in law was a loud, domineering woman that literally bossed herself right out of her own family. My mother is a champagne socialist, or a limousine liberal - she got a soft, cushy gubbimint job with early retirement with full bennies and pension and figures the world owes it all to her and more... and she gets it because she's better than everyone else. All these women in my family love head games ... and as I get older - I just don't have time for their shit anymore. I seriously thank God Almighty for sparing my wife this cursed lunacy - and myself.

It's horrible, in a way. My daughter is a distant memory now, I can't even summon tears for her now. I am on Mom's chit list and she isn't talking to me at the moment - I think I violated the rules of some geriatric head game she is playing - and I don't care about that either! As for my mother in law - no way do I want her and her idiot husband back into my life. Is all this stupidity or villainy on my part? I dunno, I see the consequences of the self induced lunacy these women brought upon themselves, and it's like a train wreck - I can't save them and I can't watch anymore. I need to be in a happier place. If they need me they can call me. Or not. They have their own life stories to write, and my chapter in their lives is over.

This weekend at The Castle we are bachelors. The wife is off at some women's conference the church put on in BC. I think the old hens are just gonna sit around slurping coffee, gobbling pastries and chattering like birds, HAR HAR HAR! And - while The Boss is away on a well earned mini-vacation, we are going to whoop it up here today too! We'll start with eggs - yes, my dawgs will be dining with me this morning, eggs for them too! Then - long range dawg patrols, maybe a few chores and errands. I have some leather work for King Peter (he and Mary want to do coffee but I have to meet with Flapz because who knows what that idiot is up to these days), and I have a micro-Crapcopter that I have been trying to get working all winter. And somehow I gotta get some range time in around all that! There's gonna be all kinda stupidity and villainy going on round here this weekend too.



Somehow my wife and I avoided the lunacy afflicting so many
these days. Actually for awhile there, the women in my family were making ME crazy too.
Our "five days in May" turned out to be 33 years and counting.
I guess that these are my anchors now. The wife, the dawgs, the kids at work - 
this is why my Maker put me here, this is my mission.
I choose to accept the assignment and get in the game.
Hmmmm... is this what 'contentment' is?



GAH. It's 4:30 in the morning, and Mort just shit himself downstairs. Dawgs don't ordinarily fart like that, so I better get up and throw him outside and start my day.

Have a great Saturday.

Friday, 20 April 2018

Maybe In My Next Life



My wife and I have never really been extravagant people. We simply don't have the money. Or maybe we did, but my frugal Scottish nature won't permit me to enjoy experiences like this. I don't much care for travel, crowds, and tourist traps. I'd always be thinking about how much money I wasted. My wife, on the other hand? Looking back now (When it's too late) - I think she would very much have liked something like this, light years ago when wet suits might still have been an option.

I wasn't always like this. My wife and I got married way too young and had a 'shotgun marriage' and we had to grow up a little harder and faster than most kids our age. Mind you, that gave us the budgetary habits and practicality of a depression era couple. We aren't rich - but unlike many of our more lavish peers - we're free. I know we made the right decisions - or the best ones we could make - with our lives, but sometimes that little voice whispers in your ear. "What if we had done this instead of that...?"

Hope y'all had a good Friday! And thanks for stopping by!


True North




The Answer To North Korea



Between this fattie and Rosie O'Donut, we should be able to hit 'em with a couple megatons easy! Only problem is - we'll need something bigger than a B52...

Thursday, 19 April 2018

Get Coopville On The Blower!

Dammit and blast! Something strange is going on with the Chinamen - and I don't like the looks of it one little bit! Those little yella bastids can't be trusted! Better bring in the CIA, UFA, the UGG, and maybe the Canadian secret service - do we have one a those?


Obviously this is a coded transmission of some sort.
We'll need experts in poultry and bucket heads to get to the bottom of this one.

Wirecutter To The Bridge! On The Double!


True North




Wednesday, 18 April 2018

Awaiting Confirmation





Scuttlebutt has it that this is the lumber mill out at Whitecourt... if I recall, it's Millar Western. The story goes that one of our gunnies was up on that thing before it went, and it all came down on his welding truck. Preliminary reports say our boy has 30 stitches but he's fine. Apparently it was a "Friday The 13th" thing. OH&S is gonna have a fuggin bird!!!

Someone's Getting Fired




That's the F22... KA-CHING $$$$$$

Filthicus: Blood And Sand



Yesterday the Blog-O-Meter red lined. Either I am getting hacked by the Russians again, or the FBI, CIA, DHS, RCMP and possibly the UFA found my 'Niggermania' post and have put me on a watchlist! HAR HAR HAR!!!

But sadly, the respectable viewers have fallen off again and it is time for some gratuitous blood and violence to redeem the numbers!

This week my retard gladiators are all down from stupidity-related injuries. We lost all our ferocious tigers when those PETA/femcnuts discovered we were feeding them Christians, and they blew the whistle on the SPCA! All the bears are still hibernating but - we might be able to rustle up some vicious animal savagery to carry us over the boring hump in the week!


Instant death with a ripped jugular!!!
A loss for Tabbycatus!!!
They fight and die for our amusement!



Lookit the poor cats: forced into a short, brutish
life of cat pugilery! 
This pug faced victim has obviously had his face 
beat in many times!


Sometimes shear exhaustion is
enough to finish the fighters and seal their 
fates!!


Welp - that's five minutes of your life you'll never get back again. As always, thanks for stopping by, and have a great Hump Day.



Ice Fishing Season Is Officially OVER




Don't worry, they fished him out...


Actually the ice has been rotten for a couple weeks now. For me ice fishin' ends at the beginning of March, and no later... because that's when cars start going through the ice. I remember once this old boy drove by us on the lake and scared the hell out of us - you could hear the ice booming and cracklng and he said "Shoot - I'll be driving on this ice for another two weeks yet! Still gotta be about 6 inches thick...!"

Now that I think about it though, I haven't heard of any vehicles going through this year. Maybe some sanity finally broke out amongst the Alberta Sportsmen...

Tuesday, 17 April 2018

Life's Battles:Wins And Losses


When I was on the road one of my most dreaded situations was the inevitable and horrible 'poop n' scoot'. We're fortunate in northern Alberta because there's lots of trees and bush, and our highways can get mighty lonely at times. The only time it ever happened to me was on the way down from Ft. Mac. I won't use the roadside crappers anymore because the natives use them and those animals aren't fit to use public restrooms. I'm not kidding - I stopped to use one once and there was chit on the walls and ceiling. GAH! What kind of demented subhuman nutter does something like that?

Anyways I did my business on the side of the road in seconds flat and was back in the truck, and back up to speed for the dive home.

I guess the I'm doing what the kids call 'shit posting', HAR HAR HAR!


Gotta Be BW Again...!


That's Just Gay



Why, if CW were to come upon that POS on the Friday open road -  he'd probly run it into the ditch!



Now we're talking! Good work, lad!

Sunday, 15 April 2018

About Those Headaches BW...






BW Bandy is coping with headaches.

I stopped in to make fun of his pain and kick him when he's down - I find some good sport and humour can sometimes take the edge off pain, although sometimes it can make things much worse! Gotta be really careful with that.

As I get older I get aches and pains and some of 'em are just facts of life, and others ... ya really need to worry about.

The flipside of pain for old geezers is that some of 'em use it to rationalize some pretty chitty behaviour. I can't ever see a man like BW doing something like that, mind you - but I have seen guys acting like a-holes and trying to make everyone else as miserable as they are or guilt trip them.

Maybe that is what I will do, though!  HAR HAR HAR!!!


Mystery Gun Porn


Holy smokes, there's not many that can polish a turd and make it work but this guy did.
But he needs some of that warm Circasian walnut up front;
shooting guns with metal forearms in winter is a truly miserable experience if
you happen to be without gloves.


.

The Filthie Foodie: Sunday Kippers


Kim du Toit is making sammiches over on his blog.

http://www.kimdutoit.com/2018/04/15/cheese-toasties/

Sorry about that - the fuggin link-thing on blogger is busted again. (No doubt, one of Blooger's pipe-polishing Queerbec fwenchmen is responsible! Flog the lot of those poxy bastids!) Errrr.... sorry about that...  Get a load of what he's proposing for the old grilled cheese:



Seriously - go check out Kim's post!
Who woulda thunk you could upscale a simple grilled cheese?
I've been eating the velveeta/kraft variants for years and now I
feel deprived...

Boy oh boy - things must have really changed in Old Blightey. My parents were born to English/Scots immigrants and sometimes they made us eat as they had when they were kids. As a kid, I once got PTSD when mom and dad decided they were going to have a favourite meal from their childhood: boiled cabbage, and white navy beans cooked in a pot with a ham bone. JFC - I can still smell it, 50 years later: It was like - the mother of all flu farts that hadn't happened yet. Mixed with cabbage!  GAH! Right off the bat I told them I wouldn't eat it.

They told me about starving niglets in Africa. I said I would rather starve than eat this shite too. 

They told me I would eat it or get a spanking. I'll take the spanking, I said, 'cause I ain't eatin' that shit.

Can't blame the folks, what with my ropey mouth and all - but I got spanked AND was forced to eat the shit. I still haven't forgiven them for it either, HAR HAR HAR!!!! HAR HAR HAR!!! I am told that that squalid meal was a much loved and seldom enjoyed treat for my parents. The vast majority of their meals were simple and boring. I think that is why they took such delight in this revolting fare - it was a change up from what they usually ate. In their day, they didn't have chocolate bars and candy - a kid was ahead of the game if he got an apple or an orange. I think I hurt my parents' feelings when I was revolted by food that they loved and cherished.

Yesterday I was lolling and shaking off the last of this flu and surfing around the YouTube gunnie vids when I cam across this charming gem:



Are chicken gizzards in yer salad-stuff edible?
This intrepid young man will find out!!!
And no, Ian - Brit rations were not the stuff of
picnics. You'll eat that Woodington pie, and you'll 
damned well LIKE it too!!!

There's a series of six of these vids and I watched them all. Our boy starts off telling us that the war/ration diet wasn't all that bad. I think in the course of his weeklong experiment, he probably found out otherwise. For my ancestors, food was not something taken for granted - it was life or death, it was fuel and calories - and that's it! I wonder how long I would go before I ate a plate of boiled cabbage and navy beans? Oh yeccccccht!!!! BARF!!!

I'm gonna make a grill cheese sammich - pardon me, a "toastie" - and I will thank my Maker that I don't have to eat the same stuff my parents and grandparents did.

Have a good Sunday.



Saturday, 14 April 2018

Support The Troops


So far this year I have had three drinks.
This pic makes me want to have another one or three... :)

Saturday Symposium: Correlating Cause And Effect

Presented, gentlemen, for your cogitation, speculation, and reflection:

This, by way of good King Chares at Coopville...


We see a lot of that going on lately, and I dare say many if us have found ourselves in the same boat, after a row with the feral stunned bints in our modern dysfunctional families. While pouring over Uncle Bob's porn stash Uncle Bob's Epistles To The Retards, I came across something, that... deep in my gut, I feel must be somehow related.


Uncle Bob was an expert on women, and sadly passed away before he could learn us all the things he learnt the hard way. Perhaps if we can find a hard copy of the manuscript above... We may yet redeem ourselves as the rightful heads of our households. A Holy Quest lies before you, boys.

The usual suspects are warned in advance that if you come back with 'an answer for the meaning of life' or 'scientific proof for the existence if God' or some other pointless claptrap ... you'll be wearing your underwear on your head and you'll be stuffed into a locker for the weekend! I'm lookin' at YOU, Pete! HAR HAR HAR HAR!!!

Ladies - be good to your men. And have a great weekend!

Friday, 13 April 2018

I Hear Ya, Kid

Today I dragged my ass into work. Morning was hell; I've spent the last two days sweating, freezing and sleeping through a flu. I have to put in some time in the warehouse before I go up front for my office job, so I was back there in my carhartts and steel toes with kids half my age, slinging freight whilst freezing and shaking. The young buck assigned to baby sit me slowed down on my behalf, and I was sincerely grateful because in addition to the pip - I am grossly out of shape. But I hung in there and I stuck it out all goddamn day. The kids called me off the job at quarter to five - they were playing video games in the boardroom. I flopped into a chair, totally bagged and watched the kids duke it out on a video game. If these kids, these adults - are who they look like... I love them already. It reminded me of when I used to play video games with my daughter when she was young and still talked to me. I didn't have any beers, I just stayed with the kids, happy to hear the noise and the banter.  Dammit, I got old, somehow. How it happened to me, I dunno - stuff like that happens to slobs like BW and Pete or Jack... but me? Life IS unfair. Some other old men said it should be old men that get sent to war, because they don't fear death and they aren't good for nothin' anyways. It makes me smile to think like that - but breaks my heart to see younger men thinking that way.


I never had any 'glory days' myself. 
Maybe these are my glory days?
If we shaved Scotty The Retard he would look more
like Tim than Tim does.

Have a good weekend y'all. I am gonna go lay down and die.

Cabin Porn



In your FACE, CW!!! HAR HAR HAR!!!
Cabins just don't get any more remoter 
than that!

Gun Porn


No doubt some pasty faced, spaghetti armed leftist twink
like David Hogg will be horrified by this.
"Look, Dave!!! It's an assault biathalon rifle!!!!"

Ok - I'm up! I'm up! Been down with the damn flu for two days now. Still sweating and clammy but I think I can make it into work without keeling over. I dunno if it is my imagination but these flus just seem to get worse and worse as I get older. I'm going to drag myself to work and have a day, I guess.

Last night I was wallowing in the deepest of flu misery when my wife got in beside me and started reading to me from my little bible that the nice old fart at church gave me. She caressed me as she read, and then she started humming some church hymns that were playing quietly on her ipad. I went from being in a cold/flu hell to a warm peaceful sleep I haven't enjoyed since I was a kid. Today I am snot nosed and clammy - but by the grace of God and my wife, I'm here! HAR HAR HAR!

Thursday, 12 April 2018

GAH...!

Sick a dog.

Fever, sweats and shakes. Been down two days, great first impression on the new job. Guess I'll find out if they care about their people or not.

Thanks for stopping by - Take yer vitamins and have a great day. I'm going back to bed.

Monday, 9 April 2018

Nigger Mania

I am not politically correct. I am not a racist either. (Yes, I know that some people consider sticks and stones and broken bones as racist - but those idiots don't know what the word means). Whenever some coloured idiot or liberal rage head screams about racism, 9 times out of ten they are schlepping for the cameras and 15 seconds of fame, or ginning up hate for Whitey, or looking for cash and prizes in our liberal infested courts.

Years ago I got invited to an actually racist forum called Nigger Mania. It wasn't particularly interesting; I suspect it may even have been an FBI honey pot. That, or there are some seriously angry people getting seriously fed up with blacks. Being a contrarian, I poked around in this forbidden territory but didn't post. They had a mildly productive joke forum that occasionally  produced the kind of filthy ethnic humour I like. But most of it was just real hate and eventually I got bored and wandered away.

On  a related note, Z has a good one up today about the war for the social media. YouTube has come out against the gunnies - they are even threatening censorship against gun club stubfarts and black powder geeks like yours truly. And of course Fecesbook and Twatter are banning high profile conservatives often on fake pretexts of inciting violence and hatred and racism. Yawn.

I wonder if shabby treatment like that being dished out by the tech giants will actually drive people to sites like Nigger Mania instead? There is going to be some blow back to this, I assure you. I don't tweet or facebook myself - but - screw OyTube if those a-holes think they are going to reprogram me and act against the interests of the shooting sports.

In any event, I found a pic that relates all this gibberish in one image. How, you may ask? How can you get racial, hateful, black, and gun themes wrapped up in one convenient pic? Behold - and have yourselves a great Monday!


If the Nigger Mania forum were still around today, you might
see something like this in the joke forum.
My question to my moral and intellectual superiors is this: is it just 
as racist for me to laugh at this pic as it was for these two ladies
to pose for it?
Yannow what? I don't care what those a-holes think! Have a great Monday.

Sunday, 8 April 2018

No, You Go Ahead...

It's all yours, I am saving room for dessert....



Gun Porn


The Filthie Cartographer


The Filthie Cartography Company is the official map supplier to BW Bandy and his intrepid explorers.


Silent. Deadly.






Stupidity And Treason May Look The Same



But they are two very different things.

Ooops


What happened here? I'm thinking it's a failed recovery;
If it had been a failed landing that plane would be splattered all over the 
bow...

Learnin' 'Em Right


I was farting about the innertubes awhile back when I came across a discussion involving some public school teachers and some howler-monkey parents. It dissolved into the age-old chit-fight that I saw as a parent 20 years ago: the kids are doing terribly, and the parents point the finger at the unionized pooch-screwing public educators - and the pooch screwers point the finger back at the idiot parents. The old adage applies too: pick stupid fights; win stupid prizes. Common core math is a monument to stupidity, it (and its adherents) should be set on fire and burned to the ground. Teachers that prescribe Ritalin to kids that don't need it should be shot and pished on.

That in turn led to the only person in the discussion with a triple digit IQ griping that a return to old school teaching methods was the only answer. And of course, that meant old school discipline as well.

In my elementary school days I had two 'old school' teachers. In Grade 5 I had Mrs. Halibut. She was a stern old bitch that got her start in the one room school houses on the Alberta prairies during the Dirty 30's. If you had 'self esteem' issues - that old harridan couldn't care less. If you were in her class you were there to learn and if ya didn't, ya failed. If ya failed it meant more work and you kept at it until you passed. I hated that old woman with the heat of 1000 suns - most of the class did. She didn't care. She took the 'problem kids' straight on: she tested their reading, writing and comprehension skills to establish their performance level - and if Jack was reading at a grade two level, Ol' Lady Halibut would back up to grade 2 and start teaching him from there. If Filthie did math at a grade 3 level, she would start drilling him on Grade 3 math and whipping his ass to bring him along. She wasn't discreet about it either; I still remember the shame on the dumb kids as they struggled with grade two readers while the rest of us were reading from the grade 5 ones. The retards sat on the left side of her class, the dummies like me sat in the middle, and the whiz kids like Pete F and Quartermain sat on the right. When I performed poorly I got the whip on my ass, and my nature being what it is, it just made me want to piss the old bird off more and say to hell with the work. I spent that year trying to piss her off and do as little as possible without getting flogged with the yardstick. They finally ran old lady Halibut off into early retirement 3/4 of the way through the year. I finished off the year with a whipped ass, borderline marks, and a serious chip on my shoulder that's stayed with me ever since. I can see the merit in the way Halibut did things, and I can sympathize with her anger at the coddling of children that were brought up to think a half assed effort is good enough, and that failure is always a viable option. But I came to regard public school teachers with utter contempt that year and haven't changed my opinion since - with one or two exceptions. The dumb kids went back to being ignored, and were passed on for the next teacher to inherit and ignore at a higher grade level. Slackers like me heaved sigh of relief, and the whiz kids did well as they always do.

In grade 6 I got Mrs. Baker. Same story, grew up on the prairies during the depression, started in one room school houses. Same as Old Lady Halat - she could be an utter bitch when provoked. But - you had to provoke her. If you stepped on her toes by accident as kids often do, she'd quietly set you right and thank you to mind your P's and Q's. If you stomped on her toes because you wanted to - she'd damn well stomp on yours, HAR HAR HAR! For the first time in my life I ran into an adult besides my parents that I actually had to respect of my own accord. It's one thing to respect adults because that whip is on your ass; it's quite another to respect them because you admire them. She was cagey too, and must have said something to my parents. Dad sweetened the deal in grade six: all I had to do was get A's and one H (honors) - and I'd get a minibike. (Pop had an old junker that he promised to fix 'one of these days...'). So - get the marks, get the bike. Over night I went from being a borderline student that Old Lady Halibut said I was - to being a respectable student. When I met the requirements, Pop raised the bar - he'd fix the bike for me if I got 4 H's and nothing less than an A. I saw through the game he was playing and said to hell with it then - and finished up that year with one H and all the rest A's. I lost a lot of respect for Pop when he pulled that stunt but never said so. Don't think he would have lost much sleep over it if he knew - he had bigger things on his plate at the time. The last thing he needed was a 12 year old Son Of Anarchy tearing around the town wreaking havoc on a minibike.

As this shit-show of 'public education' wears on I can see why you have kids going into classes with guns and drugs, and why you have twinks like David Hogg scampering around demanding an end to the 2nd Amendment and the Constitution. What are the kids learning from that donkey show? Common core subjects won't fix kids like that. Nor will self esteem, single parent families, or psychotropic drugs for kids that don't have behavioural or learning problems.

Success at school is a function of work and that's it. Today's programs are so dumbed down that it isn't even much work needed to do well. The answers are simple - they have to be motivated to succeed. They need to know that the work they put in will provide a return on investment. It's not enough to punish them, they have to be rewarded as well. They have to see the system work too. But, that would call for motivated parents, and motivated teachers that truly care about the kids - so that won't happen any time soon, I suppose.

And then on the other hand, there will always be those types like my own daughter: she didn't want to do anything other than read books and do art. There were any number of other things she would do and enjoy - as long as it didn't entail any work. (I wonder if that might be because I pulled the same stunt my Dad did somewhere along the line...?). You have to be careful with the carrot and the stick. If you promise the carrot you had better be damned serious on delivering once the donkey has done the work for it!

For now, I would advise any parent to pull their kid out of public schools. There's a lot of troubled parents out there right now, so their kids are troubled, and they will be influencing and troubling your kids as well in that environment. The teachers don't give a shit about your children either. The vast majority are union slobs that would use your kids as pawns in wage disputes in a heartbeat. So... That will be your challenge as a parent: if you can instill that work ethic, your kid will fly almost hands off and teach himself. If you try to micromanage him, or get somebody else to do it for you - you'll get the results you deserve... but the kid won't.

If you are blessed with a child of your own, take a moment this Sunday and thank your Maker for him. They are grown and gone far too soon. Make your actions as a parent now - count. You won't get a second chance. Any phony excuses you make now will only sound more bogus down the road.

Have a good Sunday.

Saturday, 7 April 2018

Junk Mail From Chinamart



Lookit that generator!!! Baby!!!
If any a you boys need anything let me know!
I'll pick it up for ya while I'm there...!!!

Scientifically Quantified

I am not one a those guys that believes things. I have to know them before I'll set my watch or warrant to them and it's prevented lots of intellectual embarrassement. Things are either black or white and that's the way it is.
When I was a kid my best friend had tree crabs. When one of them
died he burst into tears and I started laughing
because - like how does anyone get attached to dumb pets like that?
He called me a dick and punched my lights out.


Hmmm. Uncle Bob's pugs are correctly positioned. Chickens have been accidentally-on-purpose left off the chart to avoid giving offense to certain individuals; and I might argue that the babies are a little higher on the list than they should be. Otherwise - it's a solid piece of work.

Getting What You Asked For...


Z just got punted from Twitter. The fags n' cat ladies at Twatter don't know it but they just sealed their fate. Z is one of those rare people that can hate-think and hate-speak without using the language of hate. He uses wit and humour instead, and he's so good at it that by the time Lefty can figure out that he's been triggered and how - the topic of conversation has changed - AFTER everyone else has had a good rude joke at Lefty's expense. When you start moderating to exclude talent, controversy, and intellect - you don't have much to offer to retain the membership.

Banishment and censorship are double edged weapons and when idiots use them they usually end up hoisted on their own petards. Back when I was a kid, the health Nazis were busy saving us all from the evils of Big Tobacco - all our coffee rooms went non-smoking. Of course, the conversation-makers and socialites in our gang had to go out to smoke, so we went with them. Many of us caught chills and colds with them, and a few of us were out there anyways - so we started smoking too! Back in the coffee rooms a single pious disciple of health would sit alone sometimes and the rooms usually were empty.

I used to hang out on a Canadian Politics forum a lot because they were the only ones that would put up with my BS. (I have all the wrong opinions, and no respect for my intellectual and moral superiors and I got banned everywhere I went). But for a long time I posted on that forum telling dirty jokes, poking fun at the other posters and venting my spleen in the most politically incorrect ways. Eventually they got fed up with my BS, went politically correct and I got punted there too. Not one of those forums is around today. They all pretty much shuttered, or they languish with one or two posts every couple of months. OyTube, Fecesbook, and Twatter will all go the same way. I had a Fakebook account but never used it - I regarded it as a waste of time. I signed up for it because the guys at work said I should and when one of them hacked my account and played some rude jokes on me I closed it and never bothered re-opening it. (It wasn't because of the prank - I approve of rude practical jokes as long as there's some humour and love in it). But with a ropey mouth like mine, and my hatey wrongness about everything - I could see I had no place among the saints and holy of Facebook and Twatter. They look boring to me to be honest. A lot of people are starting to think so too. If the pattern holds, everyone will quit and Lefty will be sitting on a weaponized social platform with nobody to use it on. What fun is that?

I signed up for Gab and Z is right - there are a LOT of looney racists there. REAL racists, the kind that want to make soap out of the Joos, send the niggers back to Africa, and put the chinks back to work in laundromats and corner stores because the packies smell bad. (Okay, so some of it IS legit, HAR HAR HAR!!! HAR HAR HAR!!!). But the rude jokes and mems are like a balm to my soul. I grew up around off colour jokes and really missed them for years. I don't post on Gab but I stop by every day.

I dunno what it is about the human animal where they feel they gotta read crap they disagree with and then get mad about it. Even I do it - there's an old blogger I love to hate, he's fulla beans, and a complete turd - but every once and awhile I gotta go over there and read his crap and get offended. I think it's the same principal driving that as the one that makes dawgs smell each other's bung holes. But - why do we do it?

And it's not enough for us to get pished at it ourselves - we have to show it to all our other fellow monkeys, shriek and scream about it - and then gang up on the offender and drive him out! And - once he's gone, and our blue-butt-baboon friends have all settled down and are calm again - we miss him and wish he was still around so we could crap on him again.

There's times when I thank God I have the wherewithal to suck it up and be a man. It provides a sense of relief, calm and order that our howling feminists, cultural Marxists, social justice warriors and snowflakes will never have.

A pox on social media, and all their houses! Blogs are about as close as I wanna get to the concept and that's that about that!

Just Finished The Kitchen Reno Job At Coopville


I hope CM and her hubby are impressed with my work!
And that they pay promptly...!!!
;)
If I did that in my own house they would find my desecrated corpse
in the oven and it'd get ruled as a justifiable
homo-cide, HAR HAR HAR!!!

Nature Calls, And Nature Provides


Off-grid toiletry at its finest!!!
Why, you don't even need the arsewipe!
Lookit all those leaves...
Nature and life are truly generous...

Thursday, 5 April 2018

Friday Goat Porn




This N' That...

Well my last day of freedom was yesterday. I went out to the range to enjoy my last weekday shoot that only unemployment could make possible. Last time I was out it looked like spring had finally set in, but since then winter has decided to have another go at us. I had bought a bag of peanuts for the squirrels that live out at the club - but I forgot them on the last trip out and ended up eating most of them myself! I did manage to save a half bag for them though.


I scattered some peanuts round the garbages where the squirrels
tend to forage.
There were no takers today though. I told the range officer
that I was putting out bait with the intent
of potting the little buggers for a stew,
and he made some extremely rude comments about my marksmanship.
Gunnies are all a-holes.

I started the new job today and I am trying not to get too excited. But... it looks really good. You never know until you've been there awhile, but gawd knows, I could sure use the break after that last gang of chit heads I worked for. I won't have to travel, or wear steel toes or a lid anymore. As long as they treat me right, and I can afford bullets, beans and beer - it's all good.

I'm struggling with my faith again. I dunno if it's blasphemy, but reading Paul just drives me nuts. He sounds like a prattling, sanctimonious scold and that turns me right off. Can I say stuff like that? When I said it to the wife she gave me the stink-eye.

Christianity has also robbed me of the pleasures of schadenfreude. I'm a critical thinker, graduated from the school of hard knocks. So when I see stuff like that YouTube HQ office shooting - I just want to gloat in the worst way! What did those idiots think was going to happen when they start 'moderating' their content to the tastes of finks, bedwetters, and butt blasters? It was icing on the cake when the shooter turned out to be a vibrant vegan left wing carbuncle just like themselves. I want to laugh at them and tell 'em it bloody well serves 'em right. So it goes, same thing for another old blogger that I love to hate. He's a ropey mouthed old turd that loves to crap all over Christians and picks fights with people he shouldn't. The other day he was bitching about how disgusted he was with the world because it owed him a living, Christians are all a-holes, and people get all mad at him and unreasonable when he mouths off at them. Ordinarily I'd have some sport with a prick like that too - but all that is no longer permissible under the creed I bought into. Crap not upon those that deserve it, lest ye be crapped upon yourself! You're supposed to pray for them and let God sort 'em out. I suppose I'll meet 'em half way: I pray that those idiots that got shot up at YouTube all smarten up, buy guns for their own protection - and learn how to use them. I'll be happy if they just use some bloody sense when they moderate. And - gag - I hope that old sonofabitch blogger gets his meds right, or that God works a miracle for him so he'll just shut the hell up! HAR HAR HAR! 

I know, I know: "It's Christianity, Filthie! Yer doing it wrong...!!!" If I keep working at it, one day I'll be a better man. But that'll have to do for now.

Hope you're all well, and thanks for stopping by. Have a good Friday!

Wednesday, 4 April 2018

Filthicus: Sparring


These two fearsome monsters promise us blood thirsty Romans
a true spectacle that will even please the gods!
I can barely stand to watch the savagery myself!


Our Siberian Husky was named Sally. Her story was a heartbreaker. Some drunken chug from up north was running a puppy mill and stopped in town one hot summer day in a cube van - the dawgs were all in the back. Who knows what the goof did - maybe he went shopping, or into the bar - who knows? But out in the sweltering hot sun, trapped in the back of that van - were all his dogs. A passerby heard the commotion, the cops and fire dept were called,  and they came in and opened up the van with hydraulics and saws - and Sally and a couple others were the only ones left alive.  One of them was too far gone - the trauma and prior neglect were just too much and it was put down.

When she came to live with us she was an emotional wreck. The wife put a plate of kibble down for her and she was just astounded - you could see it in her body language: "All this? Is for me...?" We had two cats and she loved them as much as we did. It took us years to get her to come out of her shell. I still think of her from time to time and miss her.

BW Bandy Was There...




He probably got lost looking for a hay bale...


I dunno what it is about Canadians but they seem to think this chit is real money. Flapz has a great big house, RV, sports car, Harley and all the trappings of a man well off - and he carries a roll of Ukranian Tire money around with him like some kind of sewer-booted wise guy. One day he nearly got us killed - we were in Crappy Tire buying hunting or fishing licenses and he had bought some shells or lures - and sure as shootin' - he pulled out a roll of Crappy Tire money big enough to gag a war horse. The $5.00/hour winner at the till took the rubber band off and started laboriously counting off the bills (in denominations of 5 and 10 cents) - and you could hear the rage in the line behind us. I think the coupons came to seven or eight bucks. (This stuff is probly on par with real Canadian money, HAR HAR HAR! HAR HAR HAR!)

"Why would ya DO something like that, Flapz," I asked, "I know joos and Scots that are less chintzy than you are!" Somehow we escaped without getting necklaced by the mob.

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

A Bodily Substance Of Some Sort...

...But blood? I don't think so chickie!!! HAR HAR HAR!


And ya might wanna check out what yer shirt says.
I don't think it means what you
think it means...

Filthie's Fingers




Correctly guess what substance is smeared on Filthie's fingers
and win a trip for two to Toefield, Alberta!


Rod is a creepy looking sort that runs a squalid gun smithy on the North Side. I swear, I could go in there with a top of the line Rigby or an original vintage Holland & Holland - and he would talk trash about it and tell everyone what a piece of junk I had. And if Jack was next in line with a Cooey single shot beater - Rod'd treat him like royalty. Rotten Rod is an a-hole which makes us borderline friends, if that makes any sense.

Rod had gotten his hands covered in something perfectly innocent as I did, and I took the opportunity to make sport of his hygienic and personal grooming habits - which are politely referred to as 'second rate' at the best of times. When he got fed up with my BS, he grabbed my hand and shook it and proclaimed - 'The best piece of ass I ever got was when my fingers poked through the toilet paper...!'

HAR HAR HAR!!! Even I had to laugh at that! 

But when I got outside and the coast was clear, I cleaned my hands in a snow bank and wiped them off on a gun rag I had in the truck - and then threw that away too.

A Teacher's Work Is Never Done...

Oh hi, everyone!!!

You've caught me at one of the most pleasurable times of my job as Principal of Uncle Bob's School For Wayward Boys - grading the coursework of a successful student! Harold is the latest of our retarded... errrrr....  Gifted Opportunity Students!

Fact is he was SO gifted, we put him in an accelerated Gunology For Savants program! We get a lot of savants here at the school where the kids are otherwise so damned stupid they can't work a roll of toilet paper - but have other incredible talents far beyond those of ordinary men. For example - Quartermain can charm supermodels into the sack at will and has invented sexual perversions that not even the democrats can fathom. (Note to self: better not let the Donks get close to him in the next election). Mad Jack can't remember what he ate for breakfast, but can tell you which bourbon he was drinking on June 1st, 1955. Not to toot my own horn, ahem.... but my piloting skills are legendary. I am a senior member at the RC airfield and the senior officer of the RCOF (Retired Canadian Old Farts (errr - don't tell 'em I'm not retired or I'll get kicked out)). As you can see we have quite the stable of academic over achievers here at Uncle Bob's!

Here is what has me so excited - behold, and stand in awe of Harold's work, O mere and foolish mortals!



What you're looking at boys - is the Grand Unified Theory for gun ownership!!! Believe it or else!!! If ya don't believe it - get out your crayons and trace it through... it even makes provision for The Exception To Every Rule and even disqualifies that! This is not only a giant philosophical leap for mankind - but peoplekind too! HAR HAR HAR!!! In your face, David Hogg!!!!

Hmmmmmm. I see a vintage antique Martini Henry in my future, or maybe a three band Snider Enfield for those warm summer days in the back country. Now that your occupation of the moral high ground is scientifically proven - what is on YOUR acquisition list?

Today's Hate Crime




Maybe I SHOULD go conquer England with my Colt. 44...?



Couple days back the blogs n' news rags were all a-flitter abut how Londinastan is now more violent than Noo Yawk Fuggin City (or as the great and powerful Kim du Toit calls it - NYFC (Don't read Kim, he is even hateyer than I am.)). Civil war broke out amongst the punditry with half of them wondering (and incorrectly answering) the question: could these stats be a product of London's wonderful cultural diversity and vibrancy? The other half of the punditry invoked hexes by labelling their opponents as racists/homophobes/whatever/ad nauseum.

Kids. Kids! You're ALL idiots! HAR HAR HAR!!!!! HAR HAR HAR!!!! Let's be rational, shall we? Let's lookit the names of the victims and see if any patterns emerge. That's how adults would do it!

THE WACK-A-DOO, PACKIE-DOO LIST

  • Sadiq Mohamed, 20, Kentish Town
  • Abdikarim Hassan, 17, Kentish Town
  • Josef Boci, 30, Greenwich
  • Seyed Khan, 49, Ilford
  • Rotimi Oshibanjo, 26, Southall
  • Promise Nkenda, 17, Canning Town
  • Sabri Chibani, 19, Streatham Common
  • Lewis Blackman, 19, Kensington
  • Hasan Ozcan, 19, Barking
  • Hannah Leonard, 55, Swiss Cottage
  • Kwabena Nelson, 22, Tottenham
  • Mark Smith, 48, Chingford
  • Bulent Kabala, 41, Enfield
  • Saeeda Hussain, 54, Ilford
  • Juan Olmos Saca, 39, Peckham


Hmmmmmmmmmmm. There's an awful lot a vibrants, kebabs and mudflaps on there. Yup - it just HAS to be racism!!!!  ;)

One thing we have to keep in mind about all these stats is this: the vast majority of violent fatal crime is not perpetrated against innocents. The vast majority of it is criminals wacking other criminals. So much so, that the case could be argued for subsidizing free guns and ammo for them, HAR HAR HAR!!! Lookit the list above! 2/3 of the vics, judging from their names, hail from distant shit holes! It wouldn't be a stretch to assume the racial composition of the perps was close, if not the same.

If you Yanks start screwing around with your constitution based on numbers and stats that don't mean what you think they mean - think of the doors that open: looking at stats like that above... we could reduce violent crime by imprisoning or deporting people 'of colour'. There is a far more solid case for that, than there is for blaming gun club duffers for the crimes of gang banging blacks.

Whatever. It's none a my business what the Kippers n' Yanks do to themselves. I pretty much ignore the gun blather here at home so I shouldn't be paying any attention to it elsewhere, I suppose.  

I gotta job interview today - wish me luck and have yourselves a great monochromatic, non-vibrational and boring Tuesday! 



Monday, 2 April 2018

Meanwhile In Morontario




Guys like this are not unusual in Morontario.

I wonder why I bother sometimes. Seriously. We've never gone on expensive vacations, our house is smallish, and when I buy vehicles we drive them until the wheels are just about falling off. We bank and save, and prep a bit too.

While politicians like this tax and spend us into penury. There's a reckoning coming.


When We Were Kings




I remember the cold forest and the warm
girlfriend.
Where does the time go? 

Sunday, 1 April 2018

Happy Easter! Jesus Was A Homo!

Well it's easter again but this one is different for me. It's my first one as an outhouse Christian of sorts, and I gotta say it's rather uncomfortable. There's A LOT of really angry, bitter people that hate the faith with the heat of 2000 suns.



The rage heads are out in force.
It's funny how the people that post stuff like this
are always the first stone and dung throwers in the
oh-so-fashionable sensitivity and diversity mobs.


Serves me right, I used to be an atheist that laughed at Christians and mocked them too.



Hmpfff. I'm on my first pass through the new testament
and I don't remember seeing that.
Yannow, I haven't seen a sanctimonious holy rolling bible 
thumper in decades.
I see that sort of behaviour every day among the feminists, Marxists, queers,
atheists, and other degenerates though.


Every time you turn around, these angry atheists are proclaiming that the faith exhorts the faithful to so shit unto others just as they themselves do it. I'll say it again - I am no religious expert, I have no experience with this faith thing - but I haven't come across one single thing in the bible so far that tells Christians that they can treat others like shite or look down their noses at them. Fact is I have read passages that specifically and clearly forbid that kind of behaviour. In fact, it specifically admonishes the faithful look at their own faults before pishing on others... Do any of these modern latter day scholars even READ the bible they hate so much?




And a happy eichst de reicht ze roggenzahoggen 
to you too, young lady.
That li'l gal will make a fine social justice warrior one day,
HAR HAR HAR!!!


The biggest problem I have with the faith is the mythology of the crucifixion and  resurrection. That just sticks in my craw as I am a modern man, specifically raised and educated to reject superstition and boojum voodoo. I think a lot of modern and new Christians must struggle with it to some extent.




LOL. An old goat of a blogger that I love to hate is lolloping around telling
everyone that in addition to all my other crimes,
I stole all my holidays too.





Errrrr.... so did I steal easter from the krauts or the Babylonians?
And who did they steal it from?



I'm okay with it. Seriously - whatever. If some idiots want to piss all over themselves and the faith I have no problems with it. In fact, somewhere in the New Testament one of the disciples said that kind a thing isn't my problem. I was going to crap in the comments of that old fart's blog for a rude joke, but left him in peace after recalling that passage. Hmpfff! The bible works!!! Who woulda thunk it??? In fact, there's a sort of rude inside joke that me and my Maker have on the old fart - the old fella has no idea that the christianity saved him from another angry hissy-fit! HAR HAR HAR! HAR HAR HAR! I have always believed that God has a sense of humour. Maybe my lesson in all this is that I should appreciate idiots for their entertainment value and not get angry with them? Perhaps there's a rude joke in all that on me too! Recently one of our elders said that God put those idiots on this earth as surely as the rest of us, and if we have problems with them, it's on us - not the idiots. Further, it's on us to find a peacable solution to their issues too. For me, it is a difficult lesson to remember and retain.



Come and take them, morons.
(Molon Labe).
:)

For us up here in Canada easter is not a time of fertility and rebirth. It's -10C out there, the snow is gonna be there for at least another three weeks, and of course, my hoople-headed dawgs want me to go out and play in it with them at 6:30am! I suppose for us up here in Aaaaaadmontin, there are elements of easter that make it even more appealing. I could sure use some spring right now. Easter is a reminder to us Canadians that fair weather is just around the corner. Also that we've survived another winter.

If I make it by the church today, I will toss out a few prayers for my family as I always do - and maybe one or two for you and yours. As always, have a happy easter and God bless. It's a darned tough time to be a Christian out there.