Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Sunday, 21 January 2018

Colouring At Uncle Bob's School For Wayward Boys N' Retards

I confiscated these off of Wirecutter and gave him a detention
for trolling in a designated safe place.

Saturday, 20 January 2018

The Less I Know About This The Better

Although Wirecutter would probly peg these three for Californians
or Okies or Florida residents,
their riflecraft and the fact that they aren't smart enough
to nuke a pizza leaves me thinking they are probably
from Queerbec.

Saturday Morning On Sesame Street...

I can tell you Kermit was right.
It's not easy being green.

Canada's Safe Storage Laws

Up here in Canada if ya wanna own a gun ya gotta write a test to keep otherwise unemployable cod gobbling Newfies at the Canadian Firearms Center employed to prove you are smart and safe enough to be trusted with one. I did it over a decade ago and passed it easily; it was intended more as a rights grab than a cash grab - but Canadians pretty much told the liberal fart suckers where to go and how to get there on that one.

One of the big deals about the course is safe storage of firearms and I can see that - ya don't want curious kids getting into guns and ammo unless they are in the right setting for it. But one of the most lame justifications for safe storage was one that only your typical clot headed liberal idiot could come up with:

The idea is that ya lock the gun up in a cabinet, and lock the ammo up somewhere else. (I don't do it, nor does any gun owner I know). The reason ya do that, according to our liberal firearms experts - is that if ya decide to commit suicide or maybe knock off a liquor store - undoing all the locks will slow you down and give you a chance to think things through and maybe think better of it!!! HAR HAR HAR!!! I'm serious. Yeah, that's why our gun laws are largely ignored by most Canadian sportsmen. Safe storage my ass. Lock 'em up when the little ones are around or you're storing them for an extended period and in the real world, you're fine. When I was a kid there was a gun rack in pretty much every home and we knew we would get flogged if we played with our father's guns.

But then I see stuff like this...

Maybe we SHOULD lock up our flame throwers as well.
Big kids can't be trusted either...

No Surprise There...

Not even a comb-over is possible now.

Friday, 19 January 2018

Formidable Powers Of Observation And Deduction

Well it wasn't Jack - he wears cowboy boots. Wasn't Quartermain, he's pigeon toed,
and BW has thumbs on his feet...
The game is afoot!!!

Blogger Is Still Messing With Me

I seem to be having problems getting comments from Mad Jack. I know I used to have problems with his site as well but that all got cleared up.

If anyone is interested - no, I don't normally moderate the comments. I used to get the odd ass hat through here back when I was too political but they seem to have lost interest and moved on. Apologies to all concerned - hopefully I will get this figured out soon...

Thursday, 18 January 2018

Vintage Gun Porn

At least...I think it's a gun...?

Take A Run At It

Or call it in as a snow day...

Today's Rule 5 Violation AND Cultural Appropriation

Welcome, dear friends, to Filthie's Thunderbox where the crime NEVER stops!

And why aren't these bigoted honkies letting any blacks in on the shine action?
It just HAS to be racism!!!!

Is there anybody here that HASN'T been called a racist at least once in the last three minutes? Hold on - they'll get to you! In the meantime, here is some hatey music for ya while you wait for your shine or your scolding!

Retro Selfies

That's Uncle Bob, me, Jack and Quartermain - about 
three seconds before we were all run over by one
of those damnable motorized perambulators.

Quartermain Knocks One Outta The Park

One of the good things about being an old fart is that I was alive back when science fiction was still mind-blowing stuff. Guys like Heinlein, Asimov, Clark - they were still around and still writing a few books. I was addicted to it as a kid

As an adult I can't stand it anymore. About 10~12 years ago the social justice warriors infested the genre, and then it all became about pushing Marxism, feminism, homosexuality and other degenerate BS. I'm not kidding either, I would be ripping along reading a great story - and then get sandbagged by a detailed, lurid passage describing two (or more) butt-blasting characters going at it. It would just boot me out of the plot and left me wanting to throw it in the garbage. Ya can't give a book like that to a friend or they'll thin you are a butt blaster too!

As a master literary critic I would say SF peaked in the 60's and 70's. One of the best short stories I ever read was "Flowers For Algernon" - Quartermain has the goods and a decent snapshot.

I probably read it in an anthology of short stories that I had picked up back in the late 80's. It was the last mind-blowing SF yarn I ever read. It's unfortunate because the stuff being written today ... well you can tell it was written by joyless and misguided people.

If you haven't read this wonderful short story - do yourself a favour. It's probably dated now, but some of the best wines are old ones.  :)

Funny - When It Happens To Somebody Else

Last night I went to 'Prayer Nite' at my wife's church where I've been getting drawn deeper into Christianity despite myself. At first I went along with it just to support the wife but now I am getting immersed in it too. The process was downright painful and still is on occasion. Ya gotta basically confront yourself and your actions and admit what a botch you've made of it. That's the easy part. Supposedly we can hand off all our sins to our Maker and that sounds great - but then ya gotta start making efforts to be a real, honestly better person. I struggle with that too - I'm told everyone does. It's a work in progress - I am still having to reconcile my modern scientific biases with the mythology of the bible and I swear, some times you can smell the rotten wood burning between my ears! HAR HAR HAR!!!

On prayer nite someone picks somebody they're worried about and they explain what's going on - and the rest of us are supposed to pray for him. There's some old folks that aren't doing well and have health issues. The kids across the aisle were praying for one of their friends that got into drugs and disappeared. There's couples with foster kids with issues, and stuff that just makes me want to give thanks that I don't walk in their shoes. My recent employment issues are small potatoes compared to stuff like that.

One a the old boys at the church gave me one a those little tiny bibles they used to hand out to the kids back when we were in school. I guess they aren't allowed to do that anymore because some Marxist  hermaphrodite's milk will curdle or something. I've been reading it too; I've just about finished Matthew and will be on to Mark and all the rest of 'em in due course. Even if you are an outhouse Christian like me - this is fascinating stuff. Good grief - there is a pile of wisdom and strength and truth in this little book and I seriously have to wonder how utterly f***ed you have to be as a human being to deny it to our little ones in school. Denying kids access to something like this is an act of depravity.

Right now the lemonade is a little tart - but I'm doing about as good as a fella like me can do I guess.
Have a great Thursday.

Pretty Much...!

A cull like this would really make America great again.

The lunacy just keeps rolling on and on and on. I just love how Trump operates in the public spotlight, where everyone can see EXACTLY what he's saying and doing - and how the lickspittle media slobs try and spin it into something sinister and evil.

As an adult I spent a lot of my life actually trusting much of what I saw in the media. I think I stopped trusting them around 10 to 15 years ago when you could go on the internet and literally SEE for yourself what was going on around the corner and around the world. I didn't subscribe to any newsrags but if I did I would have cancelled them. How long has this kind of crap been going on? 

Nevertheless, there's a lot of idiots and especially old geriatrics that still trust the media and not surprisingly - they're all pretty much liberals.

I was on another blog where the liberals were losing their bloody minds and swearing enough to make ME blush. Gawd - what a bunch of nasty pieces of work. Naturally I goaded and trolled a few but quickly got bored and left them to their circle jerk. I like the fact that finally a leader with some stones is being as mean and nasty with them as they have been to us for years. Some people need to be offended and of those, more than a few need a punch in the snoot. 

We could use a guy like that up here in Canada.

EDIT: Case in point

Oh no! Whatever will we do without music from these elderly

That'll learn us real good, Bono. Anything that shuts him up is a Good Thing.

Warning: Lethal Humour

'Tis to weep...

Tuesday, 16 January 2018

The Mechanical Pin Monkey: Filthie Family Lore

So THAT'S how it all works....!

I've always wondered how bowling alleys work. When my Dad was a kid he worked as a 'pin monkey' after school to earn money for the family. Pop's family was fairly poor and all the kids had to work to support the family. The story (if I remember it correctly) is that Grandma would take everyone's earnings, take what she needed to run her household - and give back to the kids whatever she could. She was a Scots-Irish or something like that, and apparently their frugality makes the stereotypical jewish miser look like a philanthropist. But the upshot of all that was that Pop and the other kids set up the pins by hand.

One of the perks was that the pin monkeys could play for free after hours and Pop became a formidable bowler that could probably take Fred Flintstone to the cleaners. Dad even looked  like Fred now that I think of it...

I've been told by some snide family
members I resemble this fella.
Weep, ye mortals, for our fallen patriarchs

Bowling was a big deal around Aaaaaadmontin back in the early 50's and the lore has it that when Pop stepped up to the line, every pin monkey in the city would start hooting and catcalling in simian rage because Dad could throw perfect strikes at will - which meant hard work for the monkeys.

I've always love the retro mechanical marvel of the bowling alleys, but sometimes wish I had been born back in the time of pin monkeys.

Know Your Cod Gobblers

Back before we started importing innocent dreamers from chit hole countries to abuse and discriminate against - up here in Canada we abused bohunks (Ukranian immigrants) and Newfies (people from Canada's Maritime island of Newfoundland). Newfies are not to be confused with the garden variety cod-gobbling-clam-diggers from the Maritime provinces.

When we Canadians think of the 'Great Canadian Cultural Mosaic' we tend to think of the blacks and browns and other .... vibrants ... that the less we say of, the better! But back when we had a real Canadian cultural identity, Newfies played a huge part in defining it. Like Bohunks, they love rude jokes. When sober, they are the best workers you could ask for. When they're drunk - you sure as hell don't want to get in a fight with them, because most of 'em could pound the snot out of anything short of a grizzily bear. They are famous for their stupidity, their stout hearts and broad shoulders - and their accent.

Newfies can take anything ya wanna throw at them - and give it back with interest. They've made reputations for themselves clear across Canada - and especially right here in Alberta where I live. If the Great Canadian Newfie could be defined by a song - this one might be a strong contender.

Meanwhile, In The Washroom At Mad Jack's Bar And Grille...

There are some things in this world you are not 
meant to know...

Meanwhile, At Mad Jack's Tex Mex Bar & Grille

We are pros all the way. Mrs. Chubster provides the diversion,
and the dog does the deed!

Today's Rule 5 Violation

Screw you. No, that is NOT me in the background...
But you were probably correct to suspect it, I suppose.  :(

Turned Everything Back To The Company Today.

Wow. What a friggin chit show.

I went back in with the company truck with my company stuff in it to hand in. Cell, ipad, credit cards, keys, etc etc. Did my final mileage and expenses. So I get in at 10:30, hand everything over, and Big Al tells me he's up to his ears in snapping alligators. Could I wait for my ride home? No problem, I sat back in shipping and listened to Mitch Da B*tch (The World's Orneriest Old Shipper/Receiver) - gripe about his job and life. He's old, and I've always offered a friendly ear whenever I could. I'm going to miss him. I waited around for an hour and a half and I figure it was the company's way of saying "FU for quitting." Whatever.

Big Al - the manager I've been training, who was to give me a ride home - kept me waiting so I called the other salesman to pick me up. I was going to sneak out the back but Al caught us and we had a final 'sales meeting' outside while Al smoked cigars and we bantered. Al wanted to know what irons I had in the fire; I told him that our fat arsed national sales manager (who dropped in to flog the slaves this week) and his new girlfriend he hired - could go up to the Cold Lake Air Weapons range where I had a meeting scheduled for Thursday, then drop down into Bonnyville to see the crane guys I deal with and maybe a couple others. Poor Al... he was just shaking. Although he and I were frenemies he realized how much he counted on me for some stuff and hadn't realized it until yesterday. He's seriously thinking about quitting now too - and I reluctantly told him he probably should. That is not disgruntlement; I honestly feel this company does not respect or care for its people anymore.

The other salesman is effed right off at the company too. He just got an offer from CN (Canadian National Railways) - so his notice is going in on this Friday. In the meantime he's flat out refused to do sales calls with our idiot national sales manager who is in town and planned on flogging us all for fun and amusement. He's walking on egg shells now, I'm told - and good! That will leave the company with an east indian vibrant with language issues down south and their 26 year old hottie they just hired for sales. I wouldn't want to be sitting on that train wreck either, if I were Al. It's a friggin' sales revolt, I guess.

If the company wants to, I'm sure they'll survive - but I don't think the owners care anymore. I've done all I can for them, and given them my home phone and email if they run into trouble and need a helping hand. It felt good just to be done with them. Everyone there is looking for jobs now and praying they get out soon. Even The Crack stopped me today to shake my hand and wish me well. What the hell's up with that? HAR HAR HAR! I'm going to toss out a prayer for them too.

I got a couple emails from a few of you - thanks so much! It's going to be a tough couple months while I try to find something new. I don't handle unemployment and inactivity well. I don't need a lot of money - but I DO need to work with sane adults.

For now I am on the Unemployment Ski Team. It's time to turn the page on that chapter of my life and move on. I am already off to a great start: last week when I made the decision to quit, I said I was going to start eating right and exercising. In one week, I'm down 5 pounds! That sounds like a lot but I have about another 50 to go at least. For now I am going to be a vegetarian while I get used to the idea of eating like an adult with a tiny bit of self control.

If anyone needs me, I'll be over at Jack's scolding him and Quartermain for their unhealthy dietary habits! (Don't those idiots realize what Tex Mex does to the arteries and lower intestine?!?!? Think of the environMINT!!!! HAR HAR HAR!!! (Errrrr.... if anything happens to me, somebody inform either Sunny or BW so that I get a decent burial!))

Life goes on.

Just You Wait Until Your Daughter Does That In YOUR Car...

Monday, 15 January 2018

For My Liberal Canadian Friends

Nice to know where ya stand in the world, HAR HAR HAR!!!

Not Exclusively A Chick Thing...

Put In My Notice Today...

Welp, she's been a heckuva ten years.

I tell you - I met some remarkable people and saw some incredible stuff on this job. I've seen men and machines moving mountains of steel and iron, spanning rivers, building sky scrapers and massive gas and oil plants. And I was part of it. Back at the office there was politics, lunacy, stupidity and incompetence... and I was a BIG part of that too! HAR HAR HAR! I've been up north at the crack of dawn swatting bugs the size and bite of chainsaws, and at the Cheviot Mines in the Rockies when the thermometer on the truck said -38C.

But our market here in Alberta has tanked. My customers are closing doors, those still open are on life support. I've taken a big cut in pay once, and probably would take another huge one if I stay. The company has gone really nasty now, hiring a couple new salespeople with the intent to play them off against each other. One's a vibrant, the other is a young lady. I feel sorry for them. The owners no longer listen to me or care how things shake out with the customers, personally I think they are going to sell the business any day now. It's my time to go. It's not the same place anymore and maybe that's a good thing for some people. Rather than having me work the two weeks, they said they'll pay me off and let me go today. My company truck, cell, ipad, and keys go back tomorrow. There won't be any issues with any of that - I love the owners and respect them... even after all this BS.

10 YEARS... how the time flies.
God willing, I am going to take that hard hat out
and put it up on 'Filthie's Fencerow'. 

"Filthie's Fencerow" is a barbwire fence along the highway up to Fort McMurray. Every fence post along that stretch has a hard hat nailed to it. If I find a job where I won't need that lid - I'll find a vacant fencepost, and nail my lid up on that fencerow as well!

How many miles are on those chit kickers?

I dunno what I'm gonna do. I don't know if I want to do sales anymore, where I have to put on that mask and be the best friend of every potential customer I come across. I DO know that I am going to hunt for jobs hard, and do some good things for myself that I haven't been able to do for one reason or the other. I've picked up far too much weight, for example. All that road food and rich heavy meals add up. I am going essentially vegan for the next couple weeks just to get in the habit of controlling what I eat. I am way too smart to be this heavy. I've been at it a week and I'm already down about 4 pounds. I intend to continue that. I'll need to extend my Dawg Patrols and exercise more. I am going to get closer to my Maker, my wife and my Dawgs and lean on them a bit. Unemployment is a squirrelly business for me.

Financially I can't afford to retire (wouldn't THAT be nice!) - but I don't have to be pulling down $120K a year anymore either. My bills are paid, we have a little money saved up and God willing, maybe I can find a good job with friendlier loons and more manageable work loads and goals. I would LOVE a job driving a snow plow or a bus or something that I can actually do without having to work miracles for a-holes that won't appreciate them. Every job has its sucks and blows, I suppose.

Rotten jokes, offensive slurs, and general flubdubbery will resume shortly. I just need some time to reflect. 

Thursday, 11 January 2018

Another Job Interview This Morning

Well this morning I sat down with a kindly older fella who's having problems filling a job in industrial sales. He would like to hire a younger pup but the candidates he's getting are nothing short of dismal. We had an informal meet n' greet and there'll be another two interviews ahead if I get past this first one. Meh - I sent him a 'thanks for the interview' note on the email afterward - we'll see what happens.

The tomfoolery just keeps getting worse and worse with my current employer. I would just like to tell these idiots to kiss my ass and walk out... but it would be nice to have something to go to first. If The Old Man knew what the kids were doing to the company he built - he would be getting his belt out I'm sure.

I'm one of those guys that has to be happy at work so I might be in for a tough slog. I don't care where I work, I just want a job I can do, with people that are sane. Ya wouldn't think it'd be that tough...


Wednesday, 10 January 2018

Fuggin Pete...

... is picking on the retards again.

He has to be. I guess some rag heads blew up an ammo dump in Syria and it's all my fault because - HOBBY DRONES!!!! HAR HAR HAR! I got egged again in the comments by Aesop who has made some RUDE assumptions about my intellect! The arrogant WORM!!!

That vid clearly shows it as a rocket attack to me - you can clearly see the vapour trails as they go. I cannot believe a military man like Pete takes this crap seriously - he has to be joking. But some of the geriatrics in the comments are believing him and that's unfortunate.

For those of you wanting to build your own death dealing drone of unimaginable destructive power - may I recommend the Betaflight controller with the F4 co-processor.

They're about $40.00 US and good enough for my Crapcopters

For Pete and the boys, I have included a helpful circuit diagram that details how this miracle microprocessor will end life on the earth as we know it:

Yes. The jihadi rag heads have this technology.
Tremble in fear, ye patriots!

No, hobby drones don't blow up ammo dumps, fighter planes, or even crabby retired old farts that seriously should be blown up! The media is doing the same hatchet job on drones as they did with guns, Donald Trump and the current rape craze in Hollywood.

Trust me on this, you have far more to worry about on your plate than getting blown up by RC toys.

Monday, 8 January 2018

Sales Jobs

When you are in a good sales job, there's nothing better. Ya go around scarfing donuts and coffee, harassing jokers and clowns that severely need it (and are more than willing to reciprocate) - and the job rolls along.

When times go bad there is NOTHING worse. I love the owners of my company and if they weren't made from the same pile of shite I was - I would have left long ago. The best thing about the company I work for is that it's like working for WKRP in Cincinatti. The worst thing about it is that it's like working for WKRP in Cincinatti.

Sales have been flat. I was passing by Mammoet (the heavy lift crane guys) and figured I would drop in an insult Dan. Sorry Filthie - Dan was let go last year. FFS - I've known Dan for 14 years! Back in '04 he was a cod-gobbling Newfie fresh off the tater wagon from Newfieland. The first time we met we had a barn burning argument - he told me to shove my tools up my arse, he would never buy from us again, and I MAY have made some intemperate remarks about his ancestry and probable spiritual destination. We became fast friends for some reason - and I had the run of his shop. I expanded our sales there by hassling a few of the other foremen and Supers and soon a trip to Mammoet was a half-an-afternoon-affair. Today the parking lot's half empty, tumbleweeds blow through the forlorn yard, and the cranes are parked in rows by the dozen - mothballed. This province is gonna be on it's knees at this rate - and yet our socialist ditz of a Premiere and her cabinet of cocktail waitress/gay hipsters/union slobs just keep spending money like it's going out of style.

I got an email last week from the management proclaiming that my sales territory will be cut because we are hiring a 26 year old chickie to improve our dismal sales. I've had a few shouting matches with my national sales manager - he's a fuggin idiot and a company fixture - who seems to need a scapegoat for our branch's dismal sales.

It's time to leave. I am on every day now, hoping that something breaks. I would like to get another job before I am punted from this one but she's probably going to be close. I've been here ten years now.

I'm one of these guys that gets squirrelly with unemployment. Some guys just take it in stride and go out for the UIC Ski Team or they go fishin' and can say to hell with the world. I gotta be working. I need to know a pay cheque is coming in, that money is going in the bank, that I am pulling my weight. In my family a man's expected to be a bread winner. Unemployment is hell on the old ego.

And yet, I am blessed with a good wife who understands. I've no debts, I have a little money, and I think I am still young enough to be employable - but who knows these days. Sometimes I am morose and depressed - other times I am objective and hopeful.

Sorry for being a stinker. Goddammit, who's in charge of the rude jokes around here? If anyone needs me I will be out foraging for off colour jokes, disgusting memes, and other uplifting trash! Will be back soon - I might stick my head down a toilet and flush a few times too.

Hope your 2018 is shaping up better than mine.

Thursday, 4 January 2018


The other night though I was chatting with the wife and she had a gift certificate from her employer as a Christmas bonus. I snorted in disgust; my wife (and all the girls she works with) are darned good workers and they care and give a hoot about what they do. $25.00? For somebody like that? That stays late, puts in extra when required, and is a big asset to the team? I snorted in disgust. I got $500.00 from my employer and thought that was kinda chintzy - but I hurriedly squelched that one, there's a lot of people around that didn't get a thing. I try for humility, at least. On occasion...

In any event, my wife gave me the very hell of it too! No, she said, it wasn't a chintzy gift! What in hell was wrong with me? When we were kids and I had no education and was bouncing from menial job to scut work in a recession economy - I had to string together about 2 and sometimes three part time jobs just to make ends meet. I'd drive a forklift, do warehouse work and menial chores just to pay the bills. A lot of us did back then. One of my employers gave all us part timers all a really, really small turkey and $50.00 as a bonus. My wife did up the turkey, bought some toys for our little one we had our own Christmas dinner. That was a really, really big deal for us in those hard times. Gawd how I love my wife.

That was 35 years ago... and I had forgotten all about it. It came back with the force of a hammer blow, remembering the kid, the wife, a scabby Christmas tree, when we were all a family still... Somehow that handsome young buck with the pretty gal of a wife, and cute kid turned into this grumpy old man who's a little over on the conceited side, perhaps. Must a happened last night while I slept.

Maybe YOU should take a trip down memory lane, and see what treasures may have slipped by the wayside.

Tuesday, 2 January 2018

A Practical Approach To Self Defense

Of all the bloggers and gunnies I read only one has had a real viable approach to self defense. Sure, you should be packing if you honestly feel a threat and to hell with the politicians and cops - they don't care about you, and the best person to look after your safety - is you!

Or... some like minded loyal friends.

The Bayou Renaissance Man has stressed prevention as the first means to self defense and I agree whole heartedly. That, before you even consider guns, calibres and ammo. Contrary to myth, your average criminal is a craven cur that will not pick a fight with prey that can effectively fight back. Nor is he that smart or motivated - otherwise he wouldn't do what he does. One look at this and he will pass - there's easier pickin's out there. Crime requires a motive, the means, and opportunity. With a little forethough, at least one and more often two are enough to derail a crime before it even occurs.

Filthicus: Blood And Sand

I almost forgot one of my most popular post topics! The one where I bring in vicious monsters from far off continents, to fight and die in the gladiatorial pit fore the amusement of my blood thirsty and savage readers! All hail the Great And Poweful Filthicus, and give thanks for the free bread and circuses!!!

I ask you, Dear Readers and Citizens: are you not entertained? Are you NOT entertained?!?!

Why...what is that horrible STINK coming from the amphitheatre...?
Can't be Quartermain, he's enslaved and working in the slime pits. I had a bath last week
so it's not me...

Ay Carumba!!! 
Qui odoratus Isacus, de qua n eam!!!!