Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Tuesday, 23 May 2017

A Fine May Long Weekend


It has been something of a family tradition for us to go camping on the May Long Weekend over the years. May is early spring for us up here; usually the snow is all gone by May, but it isn't uncommon to get a final dump of snow - or to have the typical shitty early-spring weather with cold rain and winds. Some folks I know used the long weekend to get their gardens in but most of them have wised up. The weather gods get prankish in May and are not to be trusted farther than you can throw 'em.

The Friday before a long weekend can bring out the shithead in people on the road. On the way out, every second moron decided that speed limits and traffic laws didn't apply to them and the result was pure road rage. I was driving fast for me - about 10 KPH over the limit like pretty much everyone else - and we almost had a couple pile ups because some fuckhead wanted to pass everyone and do 140 KPH rather than 110, and they were willing to literally risk their lives and mine to do it. I had a mixture of moron redneck kids in jacked up diesel 4x4's and yuppie faggots in Audis try to kill me on the way out! They would pull out to pass go as far as they could and then cut back in to avoid oncoming traffic... and promptly get stuck behind the next guy who refused to drive like an idiot. The guy they cut off would have to stand on his brakes as did everyone behind him. It used to be that it was legal here for slow pokes like me to pull over into the break down lane and let speeders pass. But some turd brained bureaucrat decided that was dangerous and now we have rumble strips and laws to forbid it. Go figure.

All that changed when we got to camp, though. These campers go up faster than it takes to think about it, and you can have the lawn chairs, dawgs and beers deployed in no time at all. We had excellent weather, and everyone had a good time.




Macey The Monster...


Sentry dawg... he looks like a poofy little
lap dog here but he is actually a Great Pyranese with a pig shave
and weighs 106 lbs.
Mort loves everyone and pretty much everyone likes Mort.



So in short, all I got done this weekend is fly Crapcopters, waste ammunition and filter beer through my kidneys. Packing up was a whiz too. In about half an hour we had everything packed up and the place so clean you could never tell we were there in the first place.



The good life with a good wife...


Time to go home. Finally everything is green again. Maybe I'm
just getting old but that last winter was a long one.
My RetireMINT Rig is ready to move out!

Summer is finally here. When I got home the grass was 8 feet tall but I also had a spectacular surprise waiting for me at home too!



This is my crab tree. Every two years she blossoms out
and every bumble bee in the neighbourhood
stops by for a drink.
The blossoms only last a few days though and will
be gone with the next stiff wind. It was a treat to come home to.

So while the wife unpacked, I attacked the grass and finished off the long weekend with some chores. When I finally hit the shower I had three days worth of bug dope, campfire smoke, BO and grass clippings to wash off.

Once I got cleaned up and sat down to my computer - I noticed BW had an emergency e-mail waiting for me on my inbox! Yet another treat! It seems he was exploring around Alberta and found a Bed & Breakfast that catered to my kind of clientele:


BW didn't want to publish this one on his blog. I can't imagine why; I don't see
anything inappropriate about it...
I will check it out once BW gives me directions, HAR HAR HAR!!!

 Bah. The bad thing about good long weekends is that ya gotta go back to work afterward! HAR HAR HAR!!! Have a good Tuesday everyone.

Friday, 19 May 2017

Friday Wind In The Wires: The Bloop




The Ultralight done right!
Low speed, high lift, and wide set landing gear! The
stall speed has to be almost in the single digits...


Biplane? Tail dragger...?
Who woulda thunk you'd get nostalgia and romance
in a fly-weight like this?


And now for the Friday night BARF!
Sure is pretty from the pilot's seat too...


Mainstream Media - This Is Not Good






Like anyone else, I guess, I hate the media with the heat of 1000 suns. According to the fags at TIME, the Whitehouse is going red thanks to Trump's collusion with the fuggin commies.

?

Who writes this shit? And - who believes it? Never mind paying good money to read it? There was a time when not even the NATIONAL ENQUIRER would publish shite like this! I had to laugh - the Glob And Pail - another of Canada's leftist shit rag newspapers - has a website now because virtually nobody is buying print anymore. It used to be that ya got to read 10 of their articles for free and then you would be expected to turn over 99 cents to get past the paywall to read the rest. I snorted in disgust and then laughed: it would be a rip off at half the price! HAR HAR HAR! Welp - the clucky hens and the cucky manginas at the Glob musta heard me because now they're asking you to pay 45 cents to get past the paywall! HAR HAR HAR! I wouldn't piss on those Marxists if they were on fire!

Fact is we have NO credible news sources on hand anymore. Did we ever? But the fact is you can come to even a dump like the Thunderbox and read better, more informed commentary for free.

I can forgive small mistakes and blunders. It's gonna happen in that industry just as it happens with bloggers. Example - the Whitehouse is turning into the Kremlin!!!! See the details on page 7!!!! Errrr... a blogger caught that one: that isn't the Kremlin, that is St. Basil's Cathedral.

Ooops.

But I can forgive that; I wouldna caught that one either. But...hell's bells! Trump? In the bag with the Russians? What kind of idiot would even think that? I have a message for our American leftists and liberals: you lost the election because you're stupid. You're also dishonest, sanctimonious, and hypocritical. And - as long as we are being completely honest: You're kinda over on the ugly side too, HAR HAR HAR!!! HAR HAR HAR!!!

So...who ya gonna trust for your news? Hate to say it but... you're looking at him. Or one like him, maybe. But regardless of who you believe, you can't really trust the slobs in the media AT ALL anymore.

Sleep tight tonight, I guess.

Oh Shitfuckyeah....





I could do without the robotic knife-knife thing in front of the holosight - and the holosight itself, actually - but that'll do nicely.

Maybe us Canadians could get a piece of this too? Are any liberal bedwetters offended by this:





Dammit - it has marijuana leaves on it. Too bad... we coulda had some real fun tormenting stupid people with it...

Thursday, 18 May 2017

Captain Sweatpants VS The Yodeller



This morning on Dawn Dawg Patrol I was stumbling along at 5:30 Zulu when an Escalade screeched to a halt in front of us. The window rolled down and a pretty trophy wife and her ankle biter dog were in the window!

"Oh, thank heavens!" She said to her little mutt, "It's Captain Sweatpants and his K9 Crime Fighters!" The woman was in a righteous flather and her little dog was shaking so bad he couldn't even muster up a bark. "Good morning, Miss," I said in my deep authoritative voice, "What seems to be the issue?" So the lady spills: there was a great, big, smelly coyote in the soccer field just round the corner. The thing had made a stalk on her and her little poofter of a dog, and they got to the car before the yodeller could get nasty. They were both frightened to death, HAR HAR HAR!

"Not to worry, Miss! Me and my team are lethal hunters and we'll run him off!" So she thanks us, rolls up the window - and we stalk off to the soccer field while she peels out for home. We got round the corner and sure enough, right in the middle of town - there's a big ass coyote looking at us! She wasn't lying - this was a BIG 'yote.

Coyotes are ordinarily cowardly things, but this one lowered his head... and started creeping toward us. "I wouldn't," I warned the cur. He stopped at the words - and then resumed his stalk.

And then Mort lost his shit!

That damned dog goes from a big fluffy harmless goof to a DEFCON 5 killing machine in seconds. He starts barking and yanking at his leash as if to say "Let me off, gawddammit!! He'll get away! LET ME OFF!!!"

Mort's tantrum made the cur think twice and he lost interest in us and sidled away... but Mort continued to freak out! I booted his ass, and then he started thrashing around trying to bark, slip his leash and avoid getting his ass kicked. Eventually I connected again, hard this time... and the rage slowly left his tone as he continued to wuff and growl. Anyone that knows Mort knows him as a friendly snuggler that thinks he's a lap dog. He even smiles at people he likes - which is just about everyone. But if he senses the merest hint of a threat, he does this Jekyll and Hyde thing that is creepy as hell!

In any event, the intruder left and hasn't returned yet - and law and order were restored. We are gonna head out again and make sure the interloper is gone for good. Your Friendly Neighbourhood Captain Sweatpants is always on duty!

The urbanization of wildlife is getting bizarre. We have pelicans coming up here now, along with the odd bald eagle too. No - I haven't been drinking (although you would be correct to suspect it), responsible adults have seen these critters too and will confirm it. I have even seen deer in the middle of town now.

I wonder if all this is a bad thing?

Friday Wind In The Wires Is On Again....




Holy shit!!!!
Emergency landings are no laughing matter! Had he not hit the wires he might
have made it...


I was gonna take a pic of the RC Filthiecopter... but Mort kept getting in the way. He wants to go for a walk. Have a better Thursday than this poor soul did.

Friday Wind In The Wires: CANCELLED




Sob... to break these surly bonds of earth... and touch the face of God...
I'm sorry everyone - the pilot didn't make it... sob...