Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Old World Solutions To New Age Sewage Problems

Friday, 26 August 2016

More Senior Delinquents

I had to shake my head at Flapz. That boy is an endless source of consternation for me and I've decided to make it my responsibility to see that he grows up right! HAR HAR HAR! So far I've failed miserably!

Anyhoo, he comes home from vacation (the fag towed his Harley out to Vancouver to ride it because he was just too much of a pussy to ride it there). After he puts his crap away the first thing he does is check on his womenfolk. Flapz is single and lives alone, but his mom, sister, and grandmother live in a large opulent home nearby. Grandma is widowed and mom and the sister are single.

When he checks in he notices grandma isn't moving around that well. At 96 she is still mentally aware and reasonably mobile - she's a warm, intelligent woman whom I have met a couple times. When he goes to take her hand she pulls away protectively and Flapz commences to smell a rat. It turns out the old bird had broken her pinky finger. It hung down at an odd angle but she got all huffy and pissy when he tried to say anything about it. "If I just hold this hand in the other hand - it doesn't hurt!" The lady is warm and polite, but she's as tough as nails too. How did this happen, Flapz demands! Well...Grandma fell when she was getting into bed... and Flapz snaps. He bundles Grandma out to the clinic where they set the finger and do an exam - she has a broken hip too - but it's not as serious a break as most. She'll recover on light duty.

Flapz is furious. He sets her up with one of those 'Life Sign' pendants where if you fall and can't reach your beer, you push the button and the ambulance is on the way. He's looking at in-home care and assisted living for her and dreading the idea of getting her into some kind of home. The old bird is ferociously independent and won't go easy either...

So I look at all this drama going on over there and think about how I've been down with bronchitis...and I'm shamed. I've been sleeping like a log and dragging my ass at work - while Flapz' Grandma shows everyone how it's done.

I guess the lesson here is yer never to old to learn something, and yer never too old to teach either!

Thursday, 25 August 2016

True North

You don't see snow like that in Alberta often - with the exception of the mountain regions I guess. In the flatter forests we get too much wind and sun for that kind of accumulation to stick around very long.

True Nor.....SOUTH!


Folk Medicine

I am in the home stretch with a bout of acute bronchitis. Last week my lungs were filling up with fluid and I couldn't sleep because it was like trying to breathe through 6 layers of clogged filters. This week all that crap is trying to get out - so when I lie down to sleep, my lungs try to empty themselves and I hack and cough all night. I have another couple nights of this BS and I'll be fine. I lost a little bit of weight which is good too - maybe I'll keep that going once I'm better. I am far too smart to be as heavy as I am.

My grandmother was either a visionary rocket scientist or a senile demented loon - depending on what she was talking about. That old bird could walk into any garden and make it bloom and produce with a dirty look. On finance and home ec stuff she was a sorceress. I wish I knew as much about solvents and adhesives as that woman did.  On health matters she was a little eccentric. As kids my brother had problem with acne as many teenagers do. Grandma "cured" it with rhubarb. No chit - she baked up a bunch of revolting rhubarb pies and my brother (who shared the gastronomic preferences of sea gulls, billy goats and trash cans) gobbled them down with gusto. His skin cleared up almost overnight. Pop and I thought it must have been a placebo effect going on or something. Her other thing was vitamins. Every day she took vitamin C, D, and E - saying they prevent the common cold and flu. I never thought much of it myself. Grandma had some dismal medical beliefs too. Later, when she had passed, we were cleaning out her apartment in the assisted living complex - and I found her stash of vitamins. I grabbed 'em, took them home and started taking them. Every day - that's the key! Lo and behold - I dodged flus and colds that took out everyone at work and in the family! Everything went fine until I ran out - and then I just shrugged and thought that was interesting...and then caught a mean flu that laid me out for two days! I started taking vitamins again.

Think I might go down and get a flu shot this year too. I've always thought that was a pant load too, but who knows.

Gawd I hate being sick. I want to go to the airfield, ride my motorcycle, and beat up my dogs...just another couple days...

Tuesday, 23 August 2016

True North

There used to be a beer commercial about 'Patio Season'

When I was younger and able to sink beer by the keg I always looked forward to Patio Season. In Canada, being able to eat and drink on the patio is a big deal because you can only do it in real comfort for a couple months out of the year. We lived like kings: Flapz, Baloney Bob, Skinbag and maybe some other goofs would go shoot up the trap and skeet club in the summer - and then pack off to some place that had a patio to eat, drink and BS afterward. Skinbag and I would often squabble like children over something or other while Flapz and Bob lazily watched the girls and waitresses, or we would harass any guests foolish enough to join us at the rod and gun club and drinks after. At the time I regarded it as a great way to kill time waiting for hunting season to roll around again. Bob was our high roller and would order a bottle of expensive wine and the rest of us guzzled whatever was on tap. I couldn't do much of it, it was very expensive and we were merciless about saving...but it sure did blow the dust off the brain.

Today of course, I'm deep in Heart Attack Country and have to start watching what I eat. If I drink more than a couple of beers I'm hung over the next day and good for nothing. It's funny how sometimes you're having the best time of your life without even realizing it. I don't mind growing up or growing old - the patio scene gets old and is best left for the kids anyways.

Do kids even do the patio these days? If they do I hope they enjoy it as much as I did.

The BW Bandy Device

I would not be surprised at all if a future commercial variant of this thing may one day find it's way into the hands of the internet's most intrepid two-wheeled explorer.

Me? I need an entire SUIT that does that!

Mind Rotting Videeyah Games

The Feral Irishman has this treat over at his blog that I recently enjoyed. The story is no screaming hell or even vaguely original - but it is never the less well done. The first time I read a very similar yarn came from science fiction's BOLO series of short stories about sentient machines - in this case, fully autonomous tanks equipped with artificial intelligence.

I was born between generations. I can play some video games - just not well. People a few years older than me can't play them at all - they're just too complicated. People a few years younger than me can kick my arse on them and often get impatient when I can't keep up with them. I get mired down with the sheer splendour of some of the graphics and details. Most of my elders are disgusted with video games and don't see the art and cleverness in them. I like what are called "FPS" games or First Person Shooters - you become an actual character in the story. The story will unfold and drop you into a setting that will basically require you to run and shoot. Once you've successfully done the map - you are rewarded with the next part of the story that will again force you to run and shoot in order to progress to the next part of the story. Once the fun and novelty wore off on running and shooting though - I got bored with them. But I can see how kids get hooked on them - these are not mind rotting games. The players have to use tactics, solve puzzles, work together and overcome obstacles. People that blame video games for violence among youth have no idea what they're talking about. The better video games offer art, story and interaction that can entertain for hours.

It's like anything else though. In art, you will have some pervert wipe his ass on a bible and call it art. In videeyah games - you get stuff like this. (I'm sorry, but I laughed like hell at this one and can appreciate the marketing effort that they made). It's a zombie game, and in all likelihood - probably WILL rot the user's minds out.  :)

I need a toupee. Chicks dig rugs.