Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude

Filthie's Mobile Fortress Of Solitude
Where Great Intelligence Goes To Be Insulted

Sunday, 18 March 2018

A Filthie Artiste Is Born

What? I don't see anything inappropriate about that...HAR HAR HAR!!!

When I was a kid we all put swastikas on our books. This would have been in early junior high, when we were pretty much apolitical and only had rudimentary conceptualizations of the holocaust. That was all ancient history to us, and we didn't care about it - we did it because it made the adults lose their shit. As a young man I just loved off-colour jokes and watching the bed wetters come unglued. I became something of a cartoonist and often got sent to the principal's office for my efforts.

Even when I went back to school in my 20's, I did it. I would often draw on my desk as the profs and instructors prattled up front. Often they were well done but often obscene portraits of my classmates and teachers doing unspeakable things to each other, and often farm animals were involved. At night the janitors would go through and clean all the desks and wipe them down - but mine was always left alone as long as possible. Eventually the janitors were forced at gun point to clean them off - and I would just start again with a clean slate. My class mates were pigs that loved offensive content too, and some were prigs that got offended. One day I saw a desk with a message sloppily painted with white-out fluid:


I was furious. I knew Delldo did it, and I was incensed at the lack of effort he put into it. A grabbed one of my laughing classmates, beat him up and got his red pen... and gave Delldo a great big, fat F- for his uninspiring work.

After school we all disbanded and went our separate ways. For awhile I would send friends some rude caricatures of themselves through the mail and they loved them... but eventually time and distance did its thing and I lost track of them. I ran across Delldo a couple years back, he's as fat as I am with three kids. We talked for a bit, he's doing alright... but we weren't young men anymore and we were both different people. Stu The Jew got on with an analytical instrumentation company and now he looks like one of those high power corporate power brokers - with a suit, a full head a hair and all immaculately groomed. I would envy him but I know what goes along with jobs like that. I don't need the ulcers or blood pressure problems.

Today I couldn't draw a picture to save my life, and if I could my preferred subject matter would probably get me arrested by some pisser or moaner who wants us all to live in a world where everything is offensive and humour is forbidden. As an old fart I look around and I see everything falling apart. The box office can't draw people into the movies anymore. Newspapers can't sell subscriptions. Our music is composed and written for thugs and niggers, and but ugly women get raped by politically incorrect cartoons.

Maybe things are better this way, I would hate to be an artist or an intellectual in today's day and times where anything other than dreary mediocrity is a sin.

This One IS Taken, Men


My wife is a demure, well put together woman with flawless manners. Except when she is eating ribs. Then she turns into a Klingon. I think everybody does when they're eating ribs.

Last Week's Air Disaster At Bremner

Yesterday I met with Scotty The Retard (he's not retarded; he's actually a fine young man who goes to long lengths to not notice my own mild retardation) - to do some flying at the field.

RC aviation is a bitch up here in winter and no bones about it. The little nitro engines don't run right. And - unbeknownst to a couple meat heads that should know better - batteries don't work well either in cold weather. I know, right? Who woulda thunk it?!?!? Who woulda seen that coming...?

I went up first in my little indoor quad because it was very calm out. I chased Scotty around with it and nearly put out his eye once.

Scotty ran around gobbling and swatting in fright as I menaced
him with my indoor quad.
You could literally kill this one with a fly swatter.

Then I went up with my big Crapcopter and barely set it down after two minutes flight time. It was only -2C outside but the lipo batteries couldn't take it. I lost power after only a couple minutes and narrowly avoided a humiliating crash.

Then Scotty broke out his little trainer plane and couldn't even get it to start.

This is so typical of Scott. A beautifully refinished little trainer with 
scale skis.
If ya look close at the engine though - the goof has an OS muffler on an
Evolution engine. These little two cycles require the
muffler to be engineered to supply the correct pressure
to pressurize the gas tank and fee the carb.
What kind a retard does something like that?!?!

After the foolishness had stopped and we gave up on the fixed wing, Scotty's story about last week came out too: he was flying one of his other planes when the servos locked up. He crashed on the duck pond which made a rescue a dangerous proposition: the ice was thin but that wasn't the peril: underneath is a shallow slough filled with sloppy greasy mud and duck shit that could swallow you. Scott was undeterred and went out - and of course he went through the ice. He managed to not get swallowed by the gumbo, muck and duck shit but he nearly got hypothermia as he stood on the shore trying vainly to figure a way out to get his plane. He was forced to give up and got mud and duck shit all over the inside of his truck when he got in to fire it up and warm himself.

So we did some hangar flying to talk his crash out as we sipped hot coffee: so, Scott? The plane locked up and wouldn't obey the radio. Were your radio displays up and working? Yup. Ever have any similar issues with that plane before? Nope. Did a preflight to make sure all systems were go and your receiver was working? Didjya do a range check? Yup and yup!

Gee... stay with me here...I'm just spitballin' yannow... do ya think maybe the nickel metal hydride battery pack that drives the servos and the receiver crapped out because of the cold...? Scotty looked at each other with stunned with disbelief.

In the distance the Devil and Darwin roared with laughter and Jesus wept.

Friday, 16 March 2018

Saturday Random Hate Crime

The Fall Of Cankles

There's a lot of bile and anger being wasted on Cankles. I wonder about stuff like this because I am an old fart too - is there a point at which we can just dismiss our elders as geriatric fools and be done with them? Will I be as stupid and silly as Hill when I am her age? If so, please, somebody - do me a favour and shoot me! Apparently before she tried to take a header down the stairs, she gave a speech in which she blamed wife-beating men for forcing their wives to vote for Trump, and bragged about how she only did poorly with the stupid Dirt People in Flyover Country. It's blatant silliness, of course - the kind of stuff you hear from bitter old geriatrics that don't have a place in the world or current affairs anymore. Putting her or Bill in prison now would be like closing the barn door after all the horses got out. The time to deal with her and her corruption is long past. I don't get Hillary; she can give the world the finger, buy her own island complete with servants, a private Lear jet and mansion... but she just keeps trying to meddle in the nation's affairs and swindle it out of a couple more million. Why doesn't she walk away and call it done? And why do we get worked up about the crap she says? Screw her - she's over.

I have the same problem in my own family. My elderly boomer in-laws were always in the midst of our affairs, driving me crazy and meddling in our lives. Two years ago I gave them the punt and ran them out of my family because of their bullshit. I should have done that long before I did; today they are just a couple more oblivious, clueless seniors who will probably be going into a home in the next couple years. Yet I know if I tried to step up, and be a caring, responsible son-in-law for them, they would just shower us with the same shit and abuse they always did. It's hard to be Christian-like with people like that. I've asked my Maker what to do about it but He doesn't seem to have any answers for me either. The cycle repeats: to my daughter, I am the clueless, oblivious old fart that needs to go on a long walk off a short pier. I am thankful that I am at least smart enough to stay out of her affairs.

I suppose I'll do what those gentlemen did for Hillary: if the old folks are about to fall down the stairs I will catch them and escort them safely down the rest of the way; but after that, they get in a taxi and go somewhere else and become somebody else's problem. For now, that is going to have to do. And as for me, my retirement will probably be a carton of cigarettes, a quart of whisky and a Smith & Wesson when my time comes, HAR HAR HAR!

No, we are not all in this together, Red. Not anymore.
And not even duct tape will fix it.

Free Speech IS ALWAYS Free

Some obscure media slob addresses the free trade dispute between Canada and the US.

Canada's Shitlib Supreme rolls up his sleeves for a photo
op with his adoring
retinue of  unionized dirt people.
Lookit all the women! Lookit all the vibrants!!!
It's the current year!!!!

Wow. This is a perfect example of why you can't squelch free speech. The Nazis couldn't do it, the Commies couldn't do it - the Vatican can't do it... and they have God on their side! The truth can't be denied or hidden for long. Allow me to demonstrate:

Look at all the clean coveralls. Look at the gleaming hard hats. Do you want to tell me those are really working steelworkers? In spotless coveralls? And - women? Steel workers? Pull my other finger, women DO NOT do steel work.  Oh yeah - you are a man of the people, Turdo!

A two billion dollar trade surplus, huh? When you look at what this moron journalist is lying about, when you look at what the players AREN'T saying - you can quickly suss out the truth of the thing yourself.


When Canada went to war on Afghanistan, led by General Rick Dick Hillier - at the behest of Prime Minister Fartin' Martin, we had a few - shall we say, "logistical" problems. Ya see - our squaddies had no way to get there. We have no suitable military transport, and our boys had to hitch a ride with America's just to get into the theatre. Once there, they showed up in the wrong camo. Seriously, these guys were running around in the desert in forest green camo that made them stand out like a sore thumb. Not a problem - by the time the week was out, Uncle Sam gave the boys the proper uniforms. And equipment. And field support. Ya see, nobody told our liberal fart suckers pacifists that for every man you have in the field with a rifle - you need at least 8 guys behind the lines supporting him. Those are the guys that make sure the squaddie gets fed, has water, and the bare essentials. Of course, there is much more than just that: the fighter pilot in the theatre needs 1000 people supporting him at home: the contractors building spare parts for the plane, the mechanics, the engineers, the electronics and computer geeks, the shippers, receivers - when you see those squaddies doing their thing on CNN - there are scores of people behind the scenes you don't. 

Canada doesn't have any of that; liberal morons gutted our military decades ago to fund pork and welfare for their constituents decades ago. If we need to project force - we can't do it without Uncle Sam. Two weeks after they got there (I hope none of our American friends saw it) - General Ricky Dick Hillier wiped off his chin, stood up before Prime Minister Fartin Martin with the cameras rolling - and proclaimed "Victory! Mission accomplished!!!" and took full credit for the defeat of the Taliban. He spent the rest of his time in country, posing for photo ops during tea parties with Canada's vibrant auditor general, Adrienne Clarkson. Consider that the Americans did all this after Jean Poutine Cretin chickened out of Coalition involvement in Iraq! America treats us pretty damned good, actually.

Hmmmmm. Look who else came crawling out of the woodwork to set the record straight:

Canadian Astronaut Marc Garneau.
Apparently thumbing a ride on the (American) space shuttle
qualifies him to be our
current minister of transport.

Good grief - and that article gets WORSE. How much did it cost to put a Canadian into orbit? How much did it cost to support thousands of Canadian squaddies in Afghanistan? How much would it cost Canadians to take care of our own national defense rather than relying on America? If the media is lying about blatant stuff like this, what else are they lying about? And - who is putting them up to this?

The take away? "Media slob hates Trump. Prime Minister Pink Socks is very cool. Media slob hates Trump, media slob hates Trump, media slob hatey-hate-HATES Trump!" In the real world, long story short, Trump is a business man. He knows that nobody wins in a trade war. Everybody loses: costs get cut but wages get cut and profits get cut too. You can bet Trump knows this more than any idiot "journalist" out there. We're going to see some sparring. Because Trudeau is an idiot, he will fold like a cheap tent or Trump will have him for breakfast. Hell, those adoring slob steelworkers will do Trump's dirty work for him! There is no honor among thieves and Trump will just turn them on each other if they become a problem.

If Canada DOES take some lumps - what of it? We are not paupers, or beggars. Look at how much money the liberals piss away on foreign aid. Look at how much they give to refugees while honest citizens go without. How much is Turdo's looming gun control going to cost? The last one was supposed to cost 85 million, ended up costing $2 BILLION... there's our supposed trade deficit made up right there!

We both have to step up. We are partners. Money is getting tighter. We can't let the liberals keep pissing away our nations' wealth to make themselves feel better. The weakest alliances are those with no trust, between fair weather friends. I know - And Trump knows - that the most powerful partnerships are those where the partners stick together through thick and thin, and share both the ups and downs. All human relationships are like that, from marriages to friendships.

There's going to be no trade war.

Thursday, 15 March 2018

Retard Easter Egg Hunt

Oh hi everyone!

With spring fast approaching, I am getting ready for easter!

Last year we had something of a debacle here at Uncle Bob's School For Wayward Boys N' Retards. The l'il fellas gobbled so much chocolate that they all barfed their guts out or keeled over in a sugar comas! When the health Nazis found out I got sued, and Pete, BW, Jack and Quartermain got farmed out to foster homes until I got my act together and found some healthy alternatives.

Actually... those look pretty good!
And instead of chocolate easter eggs - we'll have pickled eggs!
Easter is gonna be AWESOME.
Don't anybody steal my idea.